Why You Should Rethink Your ‘Why’ Questions in Negotiation

In negotiation, information is power. A well-placed question can unlock hidden motivations, reveal priorities, and guide discussions toward mutually beneficial agreements. Yet among all the open-ended prompts available, one stands out for both its potential and its pitfalls: the simple word “why.”

The Allure of “Why”
At first glance, “why” is irresistible. It signals genuine curiosity and invites interlocutors to explain their reasoning in depth. In high-stakes settings—from corporate boardrooms to hostage negotiations—“why” questions are often the go-to for uncovering the other side’s true drivers.

When “Why” Backfires
However, the same power that makes “why” so compelling can also make it risky. “Why” questions, especially when posed abruptly or repeatedly, may trigger defensiveness. People instinctively perceive “why” as an implicit challenge—“Why are you doing this?”—and can respond with frustration or guarded answers.

Navigating the Emotional Undercurrent
Every question carries emotional weight. A single “why” can deepen a conversation—or derail it entirely. To harness the strength of “why” without igniting resistance, consider these practices:

• Set the Stage: Preface your “why” with context— “To ensure we both succeed, why did this option appeal to you?” —to signal cooperative intent.
• Use Sparingly: Reserve “why” for moments when deeper insight is critical and alternate with more neutral prompts.
• Listen Actively: Give full attention to the response, validating emotions before probing further: “I appreciate your perspective. Could you tell me more about why this matters?”

But is “why” always the most effective form of question?

Not necessarily. In many negotiations, “how” and “what” questions can unlock rich information while keeping the tone collaborative and positive. Want to learn exactly when to use each type—and how to craft questions that both inform and inspire cooperation?

In the next videos, CABL Faculty Jordi Quoidbach will present The Right Type of Open-ended Questions, diving deep into the power of why, how, what. Don’t miss it!